Where to now?

I remember when we first moved to Sacramento, we lived in a one bedroom apartment in the ghettos. The four of us. We had $500 in our pocket, no car, no license and were completely new to the area; not to mention, only 1 year old to the country. But we had nothing to complain about. We took the bus everywhere. I was even made fun of in school, but I paid it no mind. I was happy. No worries. No stress. Maybe it was the age. My innocence hadn't diminished yet. Within a year of staying in our apartment, mom had collected enough money to put down for a house. We started shopping around and mom fell in love with our current house. Back then, it was the 4 of us. Mom and us three. So, Jiji had her own room, mom had the master ofcourse and Arti and I shared a room. I was in high school and I believe Arti was still in elementary if not in middle school. We had one of those bunk beds. The house was huge for us. But slowly and surely, things filled it up. We had gone from having nothing to everything in our home. A home that my mom built with pride. As the years past by, Joshika Jiji got married and moved out. My brother, Ronil, got married too. He moved in with us. Then moved out. My niece was born. She started living with us. My grandma retired and moved in with us. Arti went to school. Moved out and moved back in. By this time ofcourse, we both had our own rooms. But then, grandma wanted her own room, so we gave her Arti's room since Arti was away in school. I still stayed in my room. The one I had initially moved into. Then, Arti moved back and I had decided to move out to Austin. One thing turned into another and I ended up giving up my room since I was moving soon anyway. Well, now I'm not. For the past month, I have been living in the garage as my room. Personally, I love it. Its nice and cool. A lot of privacy. I love privacy. But now, my brother is moving back in. To help mom out financially and be closer to his daughter, my niece, Ashrika. So, he gets the garage, my sister gets her room, mom and Ashrika get the master, grandma gets Arti's old room and I get the couch. No privacy.

I'm not here to complain. I'm actually coming to realization. We started off in a one bedroom apartment. We had no privacy from each other then why am I craving it so much today? Why is this situation worrying me? Why does it feel like I have no room in my own home? I condensed all my stuff from one room to one very small closet. That doesn't worry me at all. But the fact that I don't have my own "place" to go anymore is bothering me so much. Why? Any ideas? Please comment... Thanks.

Choices

That a leopard cannot change its spots,
Is an old adage certainly true,
But I am not a leopard,
Neither, my friend, are you.
Living in the past is dangerous,
If you repeat the same mistakes,
Or forget it’s the past in,
Choosing the road one takes.
Because only humans have a choice
In the decisions that they make.
We can take the truest path,
Where nothing is a fake,
Or take the path of least resistance,
And ride upon the road of ease.
Mindless of the final cost,
We can do what we please.
Or we can show love to all mankind,
And spread what happiness we can
Wash the world in great beauty,
To touch the heart of man.
So choose your life’s path most carefully.
Your choice can cause either joy or pain,
And makes you mankind’s glory,
Or its deadliest bane.

Quiet Pain

I try my best to listen,
Without letting it be known,
that each word you say about her,
Pierces my heart like a thorn.
What can I do,
I have no choice,
I must not let it happen,
I must not let the pain show in my voice.

When you speak of love,
You say all the things I'd like to hear,
Yet it hurts,
Because those words are for someone else you find so dear.
I give you advice,
I tell you you can count on me,
As I hold my tears within,
Because this pain is one I cannot let anyone see.

No I dont want more
Not today, not ever
But I do have one wish
That god helps this heart heal
That is all alone and sore.

Eggless Pineapple Cake

Ingredients:

1-1/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 can (7oz) sweetened condensed milk
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp cardamom powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup melted butter
1/2 cup crushed pineapple
1/2 cup and 2 tbsp natural pineapple juice*
1/8 cup sweetened cream

Topping:
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1/3 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat the oven at 325 degrees (F). Grease 9x3 round cake pan. Drain pineapple using a strainer. Reserve the juice. Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cardamom and salt in a bowl. Add pineapple juice, crushed pineapple, butter, and condensed milk. Gently fold every thing together. Be careful not to over-mix the batter. Pour the mixture in greased cake pan. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until it passes the toothpick test!Remove the cake from the oven and let it cool off for few minutes only. Transfer to a plate carefully. Prick the cake several places with a fork or toothpick. Mix together the 2 tbsp of pineapple juice and cream. Brush the top of the cake generously with the pineapple cream mixture. while still warm. Let cool. For the topping, whip together the heavy whipping cream half way, then add sugar and vanilla and whip until stiff. *be careful not to over beat the whip cream or else you will end up with whipped butter* Top the cake with the whipped cream and pineapple chunks. Slice and serve!

Vegeterian Burritos

Ingredients:

2 flour tortillas
1/2 cup pinto beans smashed (or refried beans)
1/2 cup prepared guacamole
1/4 cup chopped tomatoes
2 tbsp chopped red onions
2 tbsp sour cream
1/4 cup shredded cheese (whatever you prefer)
1/2 cup chopped lettuce or baby spinach
chopped jalapenos to taste

Warm up tortillas. Layer all your ingredients as desired and roll up. Enjoy!

Tip: Try this with my Spanish rice with a side of salsa!

You Have No Right!

All my life, I have made my self readily available to everyone! When a friends hurting, I run to their need. When someone needs me, I am there to help. I have made my entire life for other people. I trust so easily. I invite people into my life and let them walk all over me sometimes. People call me Ms. Gullible! Why? Because I think that anything anyone says is true. I mean why would anyone want to hurt me? What have I done to hurt anyone? If I have unintentionally, then I apologize.

But I have one question! Why me? It takes a lot to get me angry. But today I am angry! Why all the lies? Why the front? Don't put out a hand to help me and to "try" to be a good friend when you don't even know what the real meaning of friendship is. You lied to me. You betrayed me. You made up stories. It was all an act! Why me?

I know I trusted you easily. For you had said, you can be trusted. I told you things I usually don't tell anyone, but that meant nothing for you. I have been hurt before. Many times! But never by a friend that I found to be so dear to my heart!

No, I don't want an apology. I don't even want an explanation! Just let me walk away from all this without any questions! I know what the truth is. Its crystal clear. Please don't stop me for I have already stepped out the door!

Chai

Ingredients:
2 cups water
1 cup whole milk or 1/3 cup half & half.*
1 cinnamon stick
8-10 cardamom pods crushed
4 cloves
1/4 inch fresh ginger crushed
4 tsp loose black tea
sugar to taste


In a pot add all ingredients except milk. Bring to a boil then lower heat to simmer. Let simmer for about 5-7 minutes. Add milk. Bring to a boil, lower heat and let simmer for 2 minutes. Turn off heat. Let the tea sit for 5-7 more minutes. Strain and serve.

*If you are watching the waist-line, you can use 2% milk. I believe you might need about 1 1/2 cups.

Easy Tamarind Chutney

Ingredients:
8 oz tamarind paste (found at Indian stores)
1 cup sugar*
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp ginger garlic paste
1 1/2 cup water
pinch of salt


Mix tamarind paste and water together and whisk until blended well. On medium low heat, saute ginger garlic paste. Add cayenne pepper. Add tamarind mix. Bring to boil. Add sugar and let in come to a boil again. Lower heat to low-simmer and let stand for 5 minutes; stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and let it cool and serve with your favorite dish!

*Can be adjusted to taste

Tip: Tamarind Chutney is excellent served as a dip for fritters/pakoras or samosas. You can also serve this as a chutney with your main dishes.

Sooji/Rava Ladoo

Ingredients:

1 cup semolina/sooji/rava
1 cup powdered sugar
1/3 cup dry milk powder
1 tsp cardamom powder
1/4 tsp nutmeg powder (freshly grated)
1 cup ghee
*1/2 ghee for making ladoos


Roast semolina in low flame until slightly golden. Add ghee, cardamom, nutmeg and stir well. Remove from heat. Add powdered sugar immediately. Stir well. Add milk powder. Form ladoos out of mixture. You may need a little more ghee to form ladoos.

Optional: you may add roasted cashews, raisins, or roasted almonds to this mixture.

Boondi/Motichoor Ladoo

Ingredients:

For Boondi:
2 ½ cups Gram Flour (not superfine variety)
3 cups milk

A fine-holed Shallow Strainer Spoon
3 cups Ghee

For Syrup

2 1/2 cups Sugar

3 1/2 cups Water

2 tbsp. Milk
1/2 tsp Cardamom Powder

Saffron or yellow food color

Other Ingredients:
1/2 cup dry milk powder

Syrup Preparation:

Put sugar and water in a vessel and boil. When sugar dissolves, add milk. Boil for 5 minutes till scum forms on top. Strain and return to fire. Boil until sticky but no thread has formed. Add cardamom powder & saffron and mix. Keep aside.

Boondi Preparation: 
Mix flour and milk to a smooth batter. Mix all the ingredients mentioned under boondi except ghee. Heat ghee in a heavy frying pan.  Hold strainer on top with one hand. With the other pour some batter all over the holes. Tap gently till all batter has fallen into hot ghee. Stir with another strainer and remove when light golden. Keep aside. Repeat for remaining batter

Ladoo Preparation:
Crush half of the boondi with the back of a spoon. Immerse boondi in syrup. Drain any excess syrup. Spread in a large plate. Sprinkle little hot water over it. Cover and keep for 5 minutes. Add dry milk powder. Shape in ladoos with moist palms. Cool and keep open to dry, before storing in containers.

Optional: You can add dried nuts such as almonds or pistachios to the boondi mixture. Usually for Diwali, I divide my batches in half, add red and green food color to one half batch and then tie up the ladoos together. Will post up pictures after making them this year! Have fun! 

"I" am dead.

You said you don't see the old "me" anymore. "I" seem to be lost or gone forever.
You said that even when you look into my eyes, you don't see "me" when in the past you could always find "me" in there...

"I" am gone. "I" have been gone for a while. How long have you been looking? "I"died this very year. I even had a little funeral for "me".

Ever wonder why the glow in my eyes are gone? Life killed the "me" you all knew. It happened slowly and noone even saw it happen. I screamed out for help, but noone heard me. When "I" slowly died, I was the only one around to see it happen.

I am a man without a pride. I am a woman without hope.

Did anyone ever think that everything will have this effect on "me" Noone saw this coming but now the it has passed, everyone is asking why?

"She" had the answers. I'm sorry."Shes" dead.

You say you can't find "me" anymore. I'm sorry. "I" am dead.

"Friends are those part of you that you miss"

What is friendship? I think its one of the hardest things to explain in the world. For some it might mean one thing while for others it might mean something totally different. Friendship isn't something that is taught to us in school. There isn't a guide to follow on "how to be a good friend" I think it just has to come from within.

To me friendship means many things. Respect, love, sincerity, trust, care, honesty, and most importantly, treating them just as you want to be treated. Friendship have no limits. It is defined by what two people feel. You support a friend through good times and bad. You divide their sorrows and share your happiness with them.

A true friend is never scared to be honest. They will be polite to you but if needed, they can yell at you and bring you back to reality. They stick with you through thick and thin and aren't scared to tell you how they feel about a situation. A true friend understands you. A true friend asks questions...and listens without any questions. Someone who can look into your eyes and know that somethings wrong, hear your voice and figure out that its not the same.

A true friend is a special individual who touches your soul and makes your life worth living even if the ups and downs of the road is too risky.

Diwali

With Diwali just around the corner, I feel obligated to write a post about this wonderful festival that almost all Hindus around the world celebrate. This year it falls on October 17th. Yes! Its a Saturday. Mom and I have already begun planning out what sweets I will be making and what appetizers she will be dishing up. That's how its always been... I make the sweet stuff and someone else makes the salty and spicy. So, this year on the menu so far I have: Julaab Jamun, Peda, Coconut burfi, Rasmalai, Kheer, Motichor Ladoo, Sooji Ladoo, Halwa, Lakdi Meethai, Kaju Katli, Khaja (hopefully), and again I will attempt to make Milk Burfi. Mom said we might make Gojia together since I don't have much practice with that. This will be my first year making Kaju Katli (cashew burfi) and second year attempting Khaja. Every year I attempt to make Milk Burfi but fail to make it to perfection each time. I'm not giving up though. On mom's side, the confirmed items are Samosa (ofcourse) bhaijia, mattar gugri, and hopefully saina. I'll be making my quick and delicious tamarind chutney to accompany those dishes. I am so excited. As I begin pulling out all my recipes for Diwali, I will post them on my recipes blog. So excited!

So with all that said, many people might be wondering what Diwali is. Well, you can read more about it here. I will tell you what my family does for this festival normally. We do the basics such as preparing awesome food, praying to goddess Laxmi and wearing beautiful Indian clothes. (This year, I'm wearing a Sari I bought from India during my visit there.) We have visitors come by the house and we serve all the delicious food and prasad to them. We then play with some fireworks. Not the July 4th stuff, just the basic Sparklers most of the time! I found this awesome website that sells the sparklers. You can order them here. Its alot of fun and the festival always brings our family together emotionally. One this day, all my siblings get together and we plan the perfect time to seek blessings from my grandmom and mom. This usually brings tears to their eyes because normally we aren't so nice (^_^).

Personally, I love Diwali... Its a time when family gets together and has an awesome time! Its one of my favorite times of the year!

Thank you for reading! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to ask. :)

Beauty of Nature

You live in a penthouse with the worlds most amazing views... you get to experience spectacular sunrises and sunsets every single day... Life's great but do you appreciate each sunset like it was your first?

There are many things in life that we take for granted. A great example is Beauty of Nature. Mother Nature provides us with so much beauty. The beautiful colors of flowers... the pinks, yellows, oranges, reds, peaches. The sky at different times of the day... clouds, their formations, their shapes... sunsets, sunrises... I can go on and on about those. The deep oranges, pinks. blues, grays! SPECTECULAR! And the ocean... so vast! The waves that thrust over and over and the music it provides to our ears. The soothing effect that tingles your body when you look deep into the ocean and appreciate everything it has to offer!

We all go about our daily activities.. the rush of life and sometimes forget to stop and smell the flowers and appreciate it. We  forget that the most amazing beauties are right in front of us. Sometimes, we just have to open our eyes and look... deeper then just the surface.

If you are one of those blessed individuals that has an amazing view of whatever it is out your window... appreciate is every single day like its your first time there... because once you forget to do that, the whole purpose of having that view dies.

Thanks for reading....

Mom's Cucumber Raita

Ingredients:
1 english cucumber grated
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 tsp roasted cumin powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder* (substitute 1 clove fresh garlic if desired)
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
Sprig of cilantro finely chopped (optional)
pinch of salt


Squeeze out as much water out of the grated cucumber. Mix sour cream and buttermilk in a bowl. Mix all ingredients together. Let sit for about 30 minutes before serving. Serve chilled.

Tip: Excellent compliment to any dish. Great with parathas or samosas! You can always add different veggies to this raita as well. I have made it with red onions, grated carrots and tomatoes*

Inspiration

The following video is so inspiring. I was actually reading someone else's blog on this and decided to share this with my fellow readers. This video was made in Thailand I believe. It is about a mute and deaf young girl who goes against all odds to learn to play the violin.

I Learn To Be Strong by Felicia

Words of wisdom
come to my ears,
Telling me what I know in my heart,
But never wanted to hear.

With the truth finally said
and out in the open for me to plainly see,
I wonder why I can love so deeply
but never had that love returned back to me.

I confessed the feelings
that I held inside for so long,
But with his soft- hearted rejection,
I realize I have to be strong.

With tears that want to flow
from my eyes,
I feel that my heart,
along with my composure, slowly dies.

While this dramatic side is showing through
with my ability to question and reason,
I think I may have found
something in me that I can believe in.

Love hurts . . .
That's what they all say,
But I will love again
when all this pain and sorrow goes away.

So I sit and think of all the things
this situation has cost,
And I realize that nothing
very important has been lost.

Instead, a learning experience
has come from all this.
I've learned that hardly anything
is more important than my happiness.

Remodel....Reconstruct.... Revise

Ever since I have been able to realize what life really means, I've made goals. Goals that are a shadow of my dreams. My dreams are all I have. They keep me going and keep me strong. But each time I seem to get up and go, life kicks me down and all my dreams are shattered. Each time, I have managed to get up, collect those dreams and reconstruct my goals. I understand that life happens but you always have to look straight ahead at what you want, the light at the end of the tunnel, and keep walking and working towards it. I have been kicked so many times... too many times and I have managed but why do I feel like this now?

For the past 2 weeks, I have been feeling like I have no control over whats going inside me. Somethings eating me up internally. I feel like closing everything out and focusing on just one thing, something I have control over. School. Ofcourse, I job to go hand in hand but seriously, I dont want money or any luxuries. I just want to be able to afford my books and simple things in life and just work towards my degree in Psychology and get into law school. NOTHING ELSE SEEMS TO MATTER RIGHT NOW! My dream to be loved has died. My dream for alot of things have died. Have I finally woken up and realized something? I don't know what this hollowness is but I just want to take this energy and use it towards school. God give me the strength to get there.

Music: My Love

Definition: an artistic form of auditory communication incorporating instrumental or vocal tones in a structured and continuous manner.

Have you ever found a song or certain tunes that impacted your life so much that each time you hear it, you smile or feel at ease or maybe shed a tear?

Its amazing the affect music has to our lives. There's a song to the right of my blog, "Dreams on Fire" from Slumdog Millionaire that I play each time I write a blog. It soothes my heart and makes me realize my dreams. I have many songs that make me feel certain ways.

There are songs that remind me of a certain someone. Songs that I have "attached" to certain memories and each time I hear them, I smile. Most are happy thoughts but some are also sad once. Its amazing how a song can recreate a memory in your head... and make you smile.

Music can also describe ones mood. I think when we are sad or happy, we sometimes reach out for certain music that we can relate to. In my case, I almost always reach to my Hindi music collection when I'm down. I somehow relate to it so much.
I have realized one thing, no matter how sad I am, how happy I am or whatever mood I am in, my music is always there to relate to me and vice versa.

Do you have a certain that reminds you of a time in your life, or a certain someone? Maybe your first slow dance with your significant other, love of your life or the first song that played when one your 16th birthday or the song that one chose to play on your first date? Please share! Thank you for reading :)

Absence of self

Many times we meet people that walk into our lives and change us forever, others not so much. I have met many people throughout the adventure of my life... sure enough there have been a few that have impacted my life in ways that make me who I am today and many haven't even touched it.

Today I am here to talk about someone who has influenced me so much that today, I look at the world differently. This person came into my world at the most unexpected time and caught me by surprise.

We shall call this person Orange.

Orange taught me so much about myself. How happiness should be internal and not external. Your happiness shouldn't rely on a person, an object or a moment. It should come from within. You should be happy with yourself to see the happiness in others... It makes perfect sense... Hard to grasp but makes total sense.

Today I sit here on a breezy evening looking at the flowers, the trees and sky, the moth flying around and nothing seems the same. I see everything with a different depth in life. I smell every rose when I walk past it, trying to find one to beat the last great smelling one, yet appreciating the scent it gives me... I realize that living this life is a privilege not a right... and to make each day the best and freezing it in our memory is all we can do.

Thank you Orange for showing me this greatness in life. Its because of you that I am who I am today. Thank you for allowing me to see the world through your eyes.

Writer's Block

There are a million things that I want to express but I can't seem to find the right words right now... I keep thinking about what I want to write and have it all ready to go but then I freeze up...  I will be back very soon... Let me get my thoughts together. Thank you...

Pan-Fried Asparagus

Ingredients:
1 tsp butter
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tsp coarse salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 lb fresh asparagus spears, trimmed

Add olive oil to pan over medium-low heat. Add butter and garlic. Saute garlic but do not let it burn! Add asparagus along with salt & pepper. Saute until tender and remove from heat.

Enjoy!

Sometimes a song says it all....