Speechless

Today has been one of those days for me. I've been thinking about a few select things all day. Now, on a normal day, my brain runs about a million miles per hour with concerns of all sort but today, it was mellowed out. But that was only because I was saddened by the few select thoughts that I was thinking about. What were these things? Love, companionship, trust and friendship.

Now, almost all Indian women know that tomorrow is Karwa Chauth. Now, if you know anything about me, you know that I was supposed to be married this year. Even though I was the one who called the wedding off in India, a part of me still wonders. Around this time, I was supposed to be in India celebrating Karwa Chauth. No, I'm not regretting my decision. Not even for a minute! BUT, you do end up thinking, what if. The lonliness is getting to me I think.

That brings me to companionship. There are certain days when I wish to just hug someone and cry because the feeling of lonliness just overpowers all my thoughts. I miss going to see that special someone. Laying your head on their shoulder and just saying, babe, my day was terrible! Or getting that simple but loving foot massage. Or just laying in their lap and letting them play with your hair, while watching sports = / I miss all that.

While all these things were going through my mind, I was also thinking about friendship and trust. Now, many times I tie trust along with love... but this time, trust and friendship were partnered together. I've been going on a rocky road with a friendship as of lately only because my trust seemed to be betrayed but honestly, I don't know how to handle it. As of right now, I can't share much because I still have to find the words but its taking up alot of my thoughts. Why do people betray? Why do people lie? Not just in friendship but with anything. Why tell me one thing but never ever live up to it? Why even say it? So many questions but it seems like I can't find any answers these days. I need to find them soon. These questions are destroying me slowly but surely.